we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
