A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
