He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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