It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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