Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
