I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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