I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
