Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
