Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
