Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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