New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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