so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Alive.
So much puke
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
