i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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