i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
