He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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