i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
