I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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