It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
