Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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