"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
