Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
