I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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