there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
