Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
