You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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