Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
