girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
