apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
