i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
