Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
