dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
