You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
