remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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