I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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