He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
