Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
