I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
