I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Actions speak louder than pants.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
