Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
