There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
