oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
