Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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