She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
