I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
