Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
