Your tits are I can't wait for
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
