I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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