I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
