were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
