I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
