I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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