Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize