The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
