you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
