90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
