Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
