Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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