I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
