I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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