Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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