I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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