Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
