Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
