I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
