hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
