billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
