Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
